CW: Addiction, Suicide
I was introduced to Soft Kill through their song Roses All Around, from their 2020 release Dead Kids, R.I.P. City. It’s one of those beautiful indie rock/post punk anthems that stuck eternally in the back of my head. As I finally stepped outside of my “listen to the same song on repeat into infinity” habit and dove into the rest of the album, I felt a very real connection with what I was hearing. Reading interviews with Soft Kill’s frontman, Tobias Grave, about his own struggles with addiction and mental health and about the grief and survivor’s guilt around those he had lost to both, was like a sucker punch to the gut. These are familiar demons that have haunted my family and those I’ve loved. Suddenly lyrics like “Relax your pretty face boy, the pain has left you now” became a eulogy for the uncle who was lost too young after a relapse or the energetic theater kid from high school who fell victim to fentanyl or the people who are still alive but emotionally unreachable. All this with the two years of pandemic with so much communal loss and trauma that have felt like an unresolved knot in the stomach or a tight fist, unable to release.
Leading up to the March 29th show at Crowbar, I followed the tour’s progress around the country on social media, and I saw just how many people responded to Soft Kill’s music the same way I. People who had lost loved ones to overdoses or suicide or had come through their own battles and felt like their stories were being heard and told in a uniquely vulnerable and sometimes brutal, but also beautiful, way. From city to city, it was as if a shroud was being pulled away from a very specific kind of loss and grief; a collective exhale, an untying of a knot. In much this way, I knew I had to at least say hello to Tobias at the Tampa show and tell him just how happy we were to have all three bands play at Crowbar. But before I knew it, the dam breached and I found myself pouring out my own history. About that uncle who died before his time, the people I had lost, the generations long scar of untreated addiction through my own lineage, and just how vitally important I saw Soft Kill’s message being towards the removal of the stigma of being honest and vulnerable about these issues. I was almost embarrassed but Tobias was kind about it and expressed how much he and the rest of the band were blown away by the reception they were receiving from the innumerable people waiting for their own stories to be told.
This tour tour wasn’t all just catharsis and emotional processing. It was also one of the most solid lineups I’ve seen in a long time; where all three bands had their own totally distinct sounds and overall vibes but still fit very well together.
Opening the show was San Francisco-based post-punk/darkwave trio Topographies, who released their first LP in 2020 but have just now been able to tour in support of that album. Their set was super tight and well received by the Tampa goths. There were rumblings about the singer, Gray Tolhurst, being the son of the Cure’s drummer, Lol Tolhurst, but Topographies is one hundred percent their own band with a sound that fits squarely within the Post-Punk genre but also stands out with Gray’s vocals, Justin Oronos on bass and Jérémie Rüest on guitar. Songs like “Rose of Sharon” have been creating a lot of buzz already. Invariably, everyone who came in saying “oh yeah he’s the son of so-and-so” left wanting to hear more from Topographies.
Following up Topographies was energetic and self-described “Loud Gay Band” from Portland led by guitarist and songwriter Sonia Weber, Alien Boy. They had a very 90s-alternative, almost Jawbreaker-type nostalgic sound that I personally couldn’t get enough of. While they may have been a departure from the moody and dark sounds our local goths are accustomed to, I found it more than welcome and danced my heart out to the upbeat and emotionally honest songs like “The Way I Feel” and “Seventeen.” When they launched into an absolutely flawless cover of “Graduate” by Third Eye Blind, a song I use to sing along to at the top of my lungs in my bedroom as a teenager some 20 years ago, I was absolutely sold.
Finally, Soft Kill kicked off their set with one of my personal favorite songs “Wanting War.” Their set was full of danceable energy that had me moving nonstop plus a raw unbridled emotion that saturates every lyric. They held the packed Crowbar audience in the palm of their hand for the duration playing all the favorites from Dead Kids, R.I.P. City as well as brand new releases like “Press Play” which had just come out not long before the show. Midway through, as he has done for most or all of the shows on this tour, Tobias took a few minutes to tell his story and talk about the people he’s lost and what the music they’re playing means to them while everyone stood in silence with cheers of encouragement and recognition when something struck a chord. It was beautiful and poignant, and that moment of catharsis that I knew was coming. As they launched into the instantly recognizable guitar riff and staccato bass line of Pretty Face, I knew I was done for and sobbed in a complete and unrestrainable way that can only be described as cleansing, and I am certain I was not the only one at the venue to be so affected. It was a moment that felt in many ways like the turning of a page and the relaxing of a fist. As the bands departed and continued their tour around the country, ending with their triumphant return to Portland, the posts and stories piled up of people sharing in this powerful and cathartic experience. I know that, in addition to being left with memories of astoundingly great performances by all three bands, I have a renewed resolve to be honest, open and empathetic about difficult topics like addiction and to always emphasize how important harm reduction is versus criminalization and stigma.
Soft Kill is based in Portland, Oregon.
https://anopendoor.bandcamp.com/
Alien Boy is based in Portland, Oregon
https://alienboypdx.bandcamp.com/
Topographies is based in San Francisco, California
https://topographies.bandcamp.com/
Crowbar is located in Ybor City, Tampa, FL
Communion After Dark events in FL
linktr.ee/communionafterdarkproductions
Libby Bowers is obsessed with music and puts out mixes and music streams as DJ Cherry. Follow her at linktr.ee/iliktronik or @cola_al_karz on instagram.